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NZ police crackdown on ‘weirdos’

New Zealand’s Police Commissioner has announced a nationwide crackdown on ‘weirdos and freaks’. The long-time chief of police, Robbie Ratahi made the announcement after months of rising crime rates in both urban and rural areas.

After looking at the figures, we’re really concerned. Weirdo crimes are rising faster than ever before. We’ll be looking to arrest anyone we think looks like they’re going to commit a crime sometime in the future. It’s kind of like The Minority Report, but without the swimming pools.

The Commissioner goes on to list the specific types of people his men will be bringing in:

We’re looking for:

  • Single men who live in their mother’s basement
  • Married men that spend a lot of time alone gardening or working on allotments
  • Any man sporting a mullet, moustache, rat tail or pony tail.

The Commisioner has also listed ‘high priority pre-suspects’ that he would like to bring in for immediate questioning;

I’m not saying these guys have committed a crime, but from what we know, there’s a good chance they will. I urge them to hand themselves in, or for any member of the public that thinks they know of anyone that fits these categories:

  • Single men who used to live in their mother’s basement… Whose mother has recently passed away and they now sleep in their dead mother’s bed
  • Single or married men who are generally described as ‘such a nice man’
  • Men who wear really thick glasses despite having access to free eye care and contact lenses
  • Men that pull their trousers up to high
  • And definitely men that don’t swing their arms when they walk.

Members of the public are being warned to stay away from any man fitting any of the descriptions above, and to contact police if they see anyone described above.

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Posted by on June 12, 2011. Filed under Asia-Pacific. Post tags:, , ,
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2 Responses to NZ police crackdown on ‘weirdos’

  1. rebecca Reply

    June 20, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    Mouth breathers can also be included in this criteria.

    • PA Reply

      June 20, 2011 at 10:08 pm

      @rebecca Huuuuuuuh, huuuuuuuuuh, huuuuuuuh

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