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Syria raises ‘Indiscriminate Civilian Deaths’ warning from Amber to Red

The Syrian government have issued a warning ahead of the weekend that it’s highly likely they’ll be attacking civilian populations. The population is adviced to hide in a corner of the house, and prey heavy artillery doesn’t kill them and their defenseless family.

The warning comes following announcements by the UN that they could no longer be bothered counting casualites and deaths, but have instead now starting counting “The number of times China and Russia stopped anybody doing anything.”

President Assad has said that the attacks on civilians are an attempt to flush out terrorists. Sadly, there is still no word from these ellusive terrorists and the only reports coming out of the country are from tens of thousands of activists and a few reporters mental enough to stand in the middle of a battlefield with a microphone.

Those close to Assad have insisted that he will no bow to pressure to leave office and have pointed out, that it would make little difference, as his entire family runs the parliament, police, military and even Zumba classes. Those not so close to Assad have said his moustache looks silly and he smells like a bear.

The International community had hoped to be able to send a stronger message to the Syrians, but efforts were vetoed by both China and Russia, who in a joint statement said: “We’ve all done bad stuff. And besides, they currently owe us some money for those tanks.”

Following the announcement, Dick Cheney ordered an immediate increase in the production of bullets, bombs and ‘anything else that goes ‘bang”, and said he hoped to be personally signing armaments before next Monday.

In Washington, Obama read out the ‘I have a dream’ speech and everybody cheered.

 

Image source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/idfonline/6207720849/sizes/m/in/photostream/

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Posted by on February 9, 2012. Filed under Asia-Pacific,zParody Fake Newsz. Post tags:, ,
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