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Health scare after traces of nutrition found in Scottish kebab

Officials have shut down takeaways in a 20 mile radius of Aberdeen after reports that some lettuce and a bit of cucumber had been found in a kebab. 

Health Ministers were quick to act following an early morning alert from police questioning a drunk found staggering around saying he was the ‘Last King of Scotland’.

Ross Austin, 22, was first approached in the city centre after officers received reports a man was causing a disturbance. As they got closer, the officer reported hearing the man complaining loudly he’d found some lettuce in his kebab.

It was at this point we realised something was very wrong.

The owner of Alan’s Kebabs, Alifassa Moustafa-Hebrahim (known locally as Alan by people that have trouble pronouncing Alifassa) has denied any putting any lettuce in the kebab.

That’s not what we’re about. You want to get fit, go to a gym. But if you want the best kebab north of Dundee, then come to Alan’s Kebabs! 10% off your first visit and complimentary prawn crackers on a Saturday night.

Mr Austin was left hungry after officers seized the kebab for further analysis. Whilst observers have been skeptical there was any nutrition in the kebab, they say they are not going to jump to any conclusions.

There’s a chance some of that is meat, and depending on where they came from, there might be some nutrition in there somewhere.

Scottish Ministers have criticised police saying precious time was being wasted.

Worrying about how much lettuce is in a kebab? We’re Scottish — we deep-fry lettuce, and then we batter the whole thing. Bloody English poofters.

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Posted by on May 5, 2012. Filed under UK,zParody Fake Newsz. Post tags:,
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