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Amazon bestseller partly helped by the death of Steve Jobs

Amazon bestseller partly helped by the death of Steve Jobs

Apple fans will be delighted to hear that the Steve Jobs biography ‘The Man Who Invented Everything’ has come out on top of Amazon’s 2011 bestseller list. The book, by Walter Isaacson, chronicles the life of Jobs, from a specky four-eyed nerd with badly fitted jeans who always wore black pyjama tops in the daytime, [...]

Microsoft update will block pointless emails

Microsoft update will block pointless emails

Microsoft have announced that their latest update will completely block pointless, useless and meaningless emails from morons. Bill Gates’ brother from another mother, Gary Schniedel, explains: We’ve built a text-to-speech engine that is able to pick out meaning, symantics and usefulnessisms. You’ll no longer be getting emails that are a complete waste of pixels. The [...]

Death row inmates assisting executions

Death row inmates assisting executions

As the global recession bites, Texan jails have resorted to innovative cost cutting measures in response to large budget cuts. For the last 2 years, death row inmates at Ellis Unit prison have been carrying out out death sentences whilst being rewarded by the state. Warden Jim Breen said, despite opposition to the plans, this [...]

US Army announces “Don’t tell, Don’t kiss” rule

US Army announces “Don’t tell, Don’t kiss” rule

The US army has just announced new rules covering sexuality in the military. The new rule, dubbed “Don’t tell, don’t kiss”, has been brought in to cover what some military observers are calling ‘rampant homophobia’ in the military — something the army denies. We don’t care if you’re fag, homo, bent, queer or a married [...]

Black leaders call on white people to stop saying ‘swagger’

Black leaders call on white people to stop saying ‘swagger’

Black leaders from US and UK communities have rallied behind black entertainment artists, asking white people to stop using the word ‘swagger’. The first to voice concerns were Brian Chesterton aka 50 Cent and Norris Green aka one of the guys from Milli Vanilli. In a statement outside the head quarters of Hip Hop, 50 [...]

US politicians unsure who to attack next

US politicians unsure who to attack next

As operations in Iraq and Afghanistan begin to be scaled back, US politicians have begun debating who’s next. Chief of War Hilary Clinton outlined some of the options in a recent congressional hearing. Personally, top of my list are Syria and Iran. As much as I’d like to invade North Korea, we don’t have much [...]

President Obama taken to hospital with suspected Mid-Term Crisis

President Obama taken to hospital with suspected Mid-Term Crisis

President Obama has been admitted to hospital after family concerns were raised to White House staff about his recent behaviour. Doctors first suspected it could be a simple case of mid-life crisis, but now think it could be a mid-term Crisis ahead of elections. His daughter was the first to speak to the President’s aides [...]

Occupy Wall Street abandoned to save tree in Idaho

Occupy Wall Street abandoned to save tree in Idaho

Protesters have left the street next to Wall Street after the Idahoeon Senator announced plans to cut down a tree that overhangs a major highway. The protest, which has been going on for weeks now, has seen literally tens of people line the streets demanding that, corporate greed and, capitalism and, wealth and… It’s all [...]

Dr Conrad Murray’s brother jailed for giving drugs to animals

Dr Conrad Murray’s brother jailed for giving drugs to animals

The brother of the man on trial for murder of Michael Jackson has been jailed after an investigation found he’d been giving drugs, including ketamine, to animals. Connor Murray, a respected vet and elder brother of Conrad Murray, has been jailed for a minimum of 2 years after being found guilty of giving drugs to [...]

Uri Geller arrested after mauling lion

Uri Geller arrested after mauling lion

Uri Geller has been arrested at a Las Vegas hotel after police were called in following an incident during a pre-show practice. According to witnesses, the famous spoon-bender turned on the lion after it leapt up trying to bite his throat. The lion’s trainer reportedly shouted out that the lion was just trying to save [...]

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