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Arab League warn situation in Syria could end up worse than Middlesborough

Arab League warn situation in Syria could end up worse than Middlesborough

Arab League ministers have again warned President Assad that if the situation isn’t resolved quickly, the country could descend into the levels of violence previously only seen in Middleborough on a normal Saturday night. Roads are continuously blocked with piles of burning tyres, masked men  shoot at advancing tanks with home-made catapults, and children wander [...]

Coolio sues North Korea for ‘Communist Paradise’ royalties

Coolio sues North Korea for ‘Communist Paradise’ royalties

Coolio has said he will be taking the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea to the International Criminal Court to answer charges of grand theft musical, lyric piracy and “a general sense of un-Americanism yo”. Coolios complaint follows North Koreas refusal to answer to an extradition request for their biggest and only hip hop star Kim [...]

Security Council briefed that Syrian president is ‘a massive twat’

Security Council briefed that Syrian president is ‘a massive twat’

UN envoy Kofi Annan has just finished a speech to the Security Council outlining his latest report “Assad is a massive twat, and here’s why”. The council is made up of world leaders from the worlds most powerful countries, and the UK, and meets once a month depending on the weather. Gentlemen, and that lady [...]

Syrian President spotted defying hose pipe ban on Google Streetview

Syrian President spotted defying hose pipe ban on Google Streetview

President Assad has further enraged the international community after being spotted openly ignoring a strict summer hose pipe ban, on Google Streetview. The hose pipe ban was brought in after lakes in Eastern England reached their lowest level since the ‘Great Water Shortage’ of 2011. The President was seen cleaning his car, a 1978 Firebird [...]

North Korean Space Agency catapults bag of potatoes over hill

North Korean Space Agency catapults bag of potatoes over hill

North Korean officials have announced a giant leap forward in their space program. At 2pm yesterday afternoon, Japanese and American observers confirmed that the DPRK had successfully lauched a bag of potatoes over a hill. Kim Jong Un, largely thought to be the largest North Korean was present for the catapulting of a bag of [...]

Syria raises ‘Indiscriminate Civilian Deaths’ warning from Amber to Red

Syria raises ‘Indiscriminate Civilian Deaths’ warning from Amber to Red

The Syrian government have issued a warning ahead of the weekend that it’s highly likely they’ll be attacking civilian populations. The population is adviced to hide in a corner of the house, and prey heavy artillery doesn’t kill them and their defenseless family. The warning comes following announcements by the UN that they could no [...]

Israel retracts earlier “Of course it was us, duuuuh” statement

Israel retracts earlier “Of course it was us, duuuuh” statement

The Israeli Prime Minister has said that officials were speaking out of turn when they earlier commented on the news of the death of an Iranian nuclear scientist. The comments came after Ministers were questioned about a car bomb killed a University professor tasked with making ‘a massive nuke to wipe America off the map’. [...]

China officially recognises the only other fat North Korean as leader

China officially recognises the only other fat North Korean as leader

China has given formal approval to the announcement that Kim Jong Il’s 28 year son will run the country. The announcement also praised the many achievements of his father. Head of Official Chinese Stuff, Zhoanan Chi Lap said his country felt honoured to have dealt with such a great man. Golfer, footballer, internationally renowned movie producer and [...]

Kim Jong Il makes heavenly appearance in a piece of toast

Kim Jong Il makes heavenly appearance in a piece of toast

A man in Chicago claims to have been faced with a ghostly vision of the recently deceased North Korean leader in his breakfast. Larry Cross, 45, said he was going about his normal routine of toasting bread before sitting down for a cup of tea. He looked down at his plate and was amazed by [...]

North Korean leader to be ‘buried on the moon’

North Korean leader to be ‘buried on the moon’

North Korea claims to have nearly completed complex moon funeral arrangements for their Dear Leader who has recently been pronounced dead. North Korean state TV announced he died after having a heart attack on a train outside the capital, Pyeong Yang. Westerners observers think he may have died sometime in the late 90s, and had [...]

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