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Monica Lewinsky makes claim against Julian Assange

Monica Lewinsky makes claim against Julian Assange

Monica Lewinsky has contacted police to claim that Julian Assange ‘leaked all over her favourite dress’, after a being taken to his hotel room in April 2011. This will add to Assange’s list of problems as he faces extradition to Sweden on charges of rape and sexual assault. In a statement outside court, Assange thanked [...]

Bunga Bunga parties make up 17% of Italian debt

Bunga Bunga parties make up 17% of Italian debt

Italian accountants have produced reports that suggest that up to 17% of Italian debt may be a result of overspend on Bunga Bunga parties. The parties, which are held on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, involve the hire of hundreds of ‘exotic dancers’, two chefs and a security guard. They are held at five star [...]

Island nations criticise European counterparts

Island nations criticise European counterparts

The CSCTNOETA (Council of Small Countries That No One Ever Talks About) has sharply criticised European leaders for their ‘constant moaning about money’, claiming smaller nations have far greater issues including threats from global warming. After discussions at a recent meeting, Sir Anerood Jugnauth, the President of Mauritius reminded attendees that more needed to be [...]

Syria tops Internet poll of countries

Syria tops Internet poll of countries

Syria has come out on top of a recent Internet poll that asked users to list “Shitholes you never want to go to”. The poll asked visitors to list countries in order of least preferred and was completed by nearly 200,000 users on google-polls.com. Syria came out on top, with reasons cited as: “There’s a [...]

Old people and children banned from Apple stores

Old people and children banned from Apple stores

Apple has announced that people over the age of 55 or under the age of 16 will no longer allowed in any of their UK stores. The changes have been announced as measures to further boosts the companys profits. We made the decision after looking at the stores through-traffic and where the revenue was coming [...]

iPhone5 ‘will have 3 cameras’

iPhone5 ‘will have 3 cameras’

Apple will use their upcoming media event to confirm the next edition of the iPhone will sport an HD screen, floppy disk ports and three cameras. The positioning of the cameras have been chosen to appeal to the largely male audience. There’ll be the two cameras we currently have — front-cam and back-cam, as well [...]

Governments raise Terror Threat Warning Level after threat of ‘something’ from ‘somewhere’

Governments raise Terror Threat Warning Level after threat of ‘something’ from ‘somewhere’

Ahead of the anniversary of 9/11, the US and UK governments have both raised their Terror Threat warning levels after an unspecified something or other. The UK took action as the day started, raising it from “Quite Scary” to “Scary”. The US went a step further raising their level from “Scary” to “Hella Scary”. We’re [...]

More disqualification shocks at Olympic qualifiers

More disqualification shocks at Olympic qualifiers

Fans of Eastern European female shot putters were shocked at judges decision to disqualify Hungarian Helga Skovenovich from the event. New rules introduced last year forbid any female contenstants that don’t match certain criteria. Skovenovich was disqualified for having what judges have described as “a massive monobrow”. Every year we have problems with our female [...]

North Korean 100m sprinter missing

North Korean 100m sprinter missing

Police in Seoul, South Korea, are searching for Kim Dae Hun, a 100m sprint champion after he went missing during Olympic qualifying races. Kim, 26, ran the 100m and just kept running after crossing the finish line. He ran out the stadium, down the road, and disappeared into a crowd of shoppers. As their only [...]

Air marshals taser Strauss-Kahn on plane home

Air marshals taser Strauss-Kahn on plane home

Dominique Strauss-Kahn was arrested today shortly after boarding a flight home to France. After reportedly offering a neighbouring female passenger some popcorn, stewards ran to the scene after the passenger screamed. She claims to have found something ‘unexpected’ at the bottom of the half-empty bucket of popcorn — something she describes as feeling like ‘a [...]

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