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50 Cent insures head for $25 million

50 Cent insures head for $25 million

Rapper 50 Cent has confirmed he has taken out an insurance policy on his head for $25 million. The insurance, which covers ‘irreparable damage, loss of item, or bullet in item’ will make 50′s head the most expensive on the planet. In terms of body parts, in comes in third place after Dolly Parton’s breasts [...]

Groupon fined for clogging up the Internet

Groupon fined for clogging up the Internet

Coupon-offering website Groupon has been fined $750,000 by the International Internet Commitee of International Overseers after being found guilty of slowing down the Internet. The company currently sends out around 58 billion emails a day offering discounted rates, special offers and sensual massages. These emails are currently piling up in inboxes around the world. The [...]

Concern of con at Cern

Concern of con at Cern

Investigators are looking into claims made of misused funds at Cern – the European Organization for Nuclear Research. Reports first began to surface after a whistle blowing security guard, Robert Cruisson, gave an interview to French magazine La Vie. Cruisson claims to have witnessed scientists taking part in midnight drunken parties with strippers and piles [...]

Asperger Society says not all its members are hackers

Asperger Society says not all its members are hackers

Concerned by recent publicity regarding hackers, the Asperger Society has released a statement distancing themselves from anyone associated with these arrests. Whilst we understand most of the people in these recent cases are at the top end of the spectrum, we would like to remind the public that these individuals are not a fair representation [...]

Riots across Europe after German Chancellor proposes EU changes

Riots across Europe after German Chancellor proposes EU changes

Riots have broken out across Europe in the wake of German Chancellor Angela Merkin suggesting economic reforms to put Europe on the path to prosperity. At an earlier press conference, Chancellor Merkin laid out suggestions for each of the European countries, none of which seem popular. There were angry protests in Spain at the suggestion [...]

Russians reach Shetland after 15 year voyage

Russians reach Shetland after 15 year voyage

Russian explorers have finally reached The Shetland Isles after a 15 year voyage in which three crew members died. Long thought to be lost to the North Sea, Shetland lies somewhere between Scotland and the North Pole and is a long forgotten land supposedly filled with mythical beasts and strange sounding locals. They are rumoured [...]

Teenager sells thumbs for Google+ invite

Teenager sells thumbs for Google+ invite

Google are under increasing pressure to open the doors of their new social networking site Google+ after a teenager in Missouri sold both his thumbs on the Chinese version of eBay. Currently the site is in beta mode with thousands of people eagerly awaiting entry. Dan Spooner decided to fast track the queue by going [...]

Queueing guidelines issued to UK migrants

Queueing guidelines issued to UK migrants

Europeans hoping to move to the UK are now required to sign a form stating they fully understand expected behaviour in British queues. Minister of Tourism Rod Hull explained that this kind of knowledge helps and eases integration into life in the UK. Queueing is a national pastime. There are certain things you do and [...]

Married women on high alert ahead of England game

Married women on high alert ahead of England game

Whilst the England team is beginning preparation for their August game against Holland, married women in the host town are also beginning to prepare. John “Snake Hips” Terry, Wayne “Any Hole’s A Goal” Rooney, Ryan “I Won’t Tell If You Won’t” Giggs and Assistant Coach David “They’ve Forgotten About the Text Messages” Beckham will be [...]

Strauss-Kahn claims hotel incident a “misunderstanding”

Strauss-Kahn claims hotel incident a “misunderstanding”

It is understood that Dominique Strauss-Kahn will protest his innocence based on mistaken identity. Whilst he admits he did leap naked out of the cupboard, he did not realize the maid was a hotel employee. Residents in neighbouring rooms overheard him say: “Oh I get it, you’re a maid. Who sent you? It was Berlusconi, [...]

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