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Dogging added as reserve Olympic event

Dogging added as reserve Olympic event

Weirdos and Germans have expressed delight that dogging has been added to the Olympic reserve event list. Dogging was added as a last resort after a challenge from China was…

Goths could be extinct within 2 years

Goths could be extinct within 2 years

Scientists have predicted a decline in numbers for one of the UKs most depressing species — the Goth — which could ultimately end in their extinction. The results of a…

People what don’t talk proper offered classes in basic English

People what don’t talk proper offered classes in basic English

People what don’t talk proper were told the fings what they can do to get help, innit. Talkamologist, Peter Brent, reckons he’s well brainy and says people what always say…

Scotland to reduce drink-drive limit from ‘a skinful’ to ‘not that much’

Scotland to reduce drink-drive limit from ‘a skinful’ to ‘not that much’

First Minister Alex Salmond has announced he will be lowering the national drink drive limit, but has reassured drinkers weekend rules will remain unchanged. The changes were put forward after…

Justin Bieber added to FBI’s Most Wanted list

Justin Bieber added to FBI’s Most Wanted list

The FBI have added fugitive Justin Bieber to their Most Wanted list after he failed to respond to an arrest warrant announcement. He was formally charged with paedo-chasing after running…

Queen celebrates 60 years of having exactly the same hairdo

Queen celebrates 60 years of having exactly the same hairdo

The United Kingdom has begun a weekend of celebrations to mark the 60th year the Queen has had a light to medium perm. She first unveiled the hairdo in 1952…

Riff raff & toe rags cleared off streets ahead of Jubilee celebrations

Riff raff & toe rags cleared off streets ahead of Jubilee celebrations

The army have been called in to help police move various undesirables out of sight ahead of the Queen’s Jubilee celebrations. Authorities have been targeting areas well known for scabby…

Coolio sues North Korea for ‘Communist Paradise’ royalties

Coolio sues North Korea for ‘Communist Paradise’ royalties

Coolio has said he will be taking the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea to the International Criminal Court to answer charges of grand theft musical, lyric piracy and “a general…

Security Council briefed that Syrian president is ‘a massive twat’

Security Council briefed that Syrian president is ‘a massive twat’

UN envoy Kofi Annan has just finished a speech to the Security Council outlining his latest report “Assad is a massive twat, and here’s why”. The council is made up…

Eurovision runners up taken out the building and shot in the head

Eurovision runners up taken out the building and shot in the head

Human rights observers have said they’re not particularly bothered that Eurovision organisers are taking runners-up out the side entrance and shooting them once in the back of the head. The…