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Britons praise Sun God by drinking topless in the park

Britons praise Sun God by drinking topless in the park

As the final weeks of August approach, and the British summer begins, millions are expected to make the journey to a nearby park to begin celebrations. Gary, God of Sun, is worshipped every year for 2 weeks in August right across the United Kingdom. People from all over the country come together in parks and [...]

Rowing disqualification after midgets spotted below boat

Rowing disqualification after midgets spotted below boat

The French rowing team face disqualification from yesterday’s race after a line of midgets was spotted kicking their legs below the team boat. The team were performing far better than expected, prompting one twitter user to joke that the French team were being shadowed by a shark. After receiving hundreds of retweets, it was only [...]

Paying cash-in-hand is ‘morally wrong’ say millionaire UK politicians

Paying cash-in-hand is ‘morally wrong’ say millionaire UK politicians

There has been a cross party call from rich UK politicians to ask the British public to stop paying cash-in-hand for a reduction in the price of services. Politicians have been queuing outside TV and radio stations to moan about the problem after a report sponsored by a large corporate tax avoidance scheme showed brick [...]

Census shows dramatic increase in the number of left handed gay gingers

Census shows dramatic increase in the number of left handed gay gingers

Politicians say that census figures show an large increase in the number of registered left handed gay gingers living in the UK. Minister of Peoples, Dave Ingram, noted that whilst they were slightly concerned by the findings these do not show the full picture, as unregistered left handed gay gingers remain unaccounted for. LHGG figures [...]

Army called in to protect Olympics from Bristol

Army called in to protect Olympics from Bristol

Over 3500 British Army troops have been called in to help police the Olympics after it emerged somebody had told Bristol about the summer event. The announcement follows a week of strange sightings along the M4, as drivers reported seeing lines of what were thought to be refugees, shuffling towards London. Nigel “The Strangler” Devon [...]

Charity raises enough to take Plan B to theme park

Charity raises enough to take Plan B to theme park

A UK charity have said they’ve raised enough money to take Plan B to Alton Towers in a last ditch attempt to make him smile. Cheer Up Plan B has been working tirelessly for the last 2 years to get the singer-rapper to crack a smile. Despite multiple trips to the seaside, forest and petting [...]

Dogging added as reserve Olympic event

Dogging added as reserve Olympic event

Weirdos and Germans have expressed delight that dogging has been added to the Olympic reserve event list. Dogging was added as a last resort after a challenge from China was upheld by the Olympic Committee. Every Olympic host nation gets the option of putting forward sports they excel at, that aren’t currently considered Olympic sports. [...]

Goths could be extinct within 2 years

Goths could be extinct within 2 years

Scientists have predicted a decline in numbers for one of the UKs most depressing species — the Goth — which could ultimately end in their extinction. The results of a recent study show that unless steps are taken today, people in long black jackets could be a thing of the past. Goths first appeared on [...]

People what don’t talk proper offered classes in basic English

People what don’t talk proper offered classes in basic English

People what don’t talk proper were told the fings what they can do to get help, innit. Talkamologist, Peter Brent, reckons he’s well brainy and says people what always say ‘like’ are first come first serve. They’re our first priority. It’s key they learn some simple grammar and correct pronounciation. Everybody hates bad pronounciation. That’s [...]

Scotland to reduce drink-drive limit from ‘a skinful’ to ‘not that much’

Scotland to reduce drink-drive limit from ‘a skinful’ to ‘not that much’

First Minister Alex Salmond has announced he will be lowering the national drink drive limit, but has reassured drinkers weekend rules will remain unchanged. The changes were put forward after a recent study showed reactions of a Scotsman were ‘moderately subdued’ after a four-pack of 9% Special Brew. The same study accidentally killed 4 Chinese [...]

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