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Wordz Wiv Frenz launched for morons that can’t spell

Wordz Wiv Frenz launched for morons that can’t spell

Zynga has announced they will be launching a new game aimed at the millions of idiots who can’t spell, can’t use an apostrophe and insist on ending sentences with an exclamation mark. Wordz Wiv Frenz will be based on the traditional game of Scrabble, but with a modified dictionary. We got rid of all those [...]

Wife rushed to hospital after haemorrhaging money

Wife rushed to hospital after haemorrhaging money

A wife in London is said to be in stable condition after her husband rushed her to hospital after she began haemorrhaging money the day after he was paid. The wife, as yet unnamed, was also said to be suffering from third degree burns from over-using her husbands credit card, and bruising to her arm [...]

Murdoch announces ‘World of the News’ will launch soon

Murdoch announces ‘World of the News’ will launch soon

Rupert Murdoch announced today that he is to launch a brand new UK Sunday paper, completely unrelated to the News of the World. The News of the World was sadly closed down after it was revealed that reporters had been getting information for their trashy stories about celebrities by riffling through rubbish and hacking voicemails. [...]

Fred Goodwin purchases Prince of Burundi title

Fred Goodwin purchases Prince of Burundi title

Following news that Fred Goodwin was being stripped of his knighthood, it emerged he’d purchased rights to the Burundi throne, after a $150,000 investment in the country. The announcement was made following a meeting at the Round Table to discuss his fate. Goodwin stormed from proceedings, and following a brief call on his phone announced [...]

Harry Redknapp released. His dog arrested.

Harry Redknapp released. His dog arrested.

Harry Redknapp has been released by police after mistakenly being arrested following ambiguous reports he’d “fingered his dog in court”. After holding him for several hours, police realised it was a different kind of fingering he’d given his dog. In court, Redknapp claimed to know nothing about offshore payments into a bank account registered in [...]

David Beckham turns down offer after currency mix up

David Beckham turns down offer after currency mix up

David Beckham has turned down an offer from Paris Saint-Germain after LA Galaxy told him they’d match the offer of ‘one million a game’. Paris Saint Whatever told me they’d pay me £1,000,000 a game. Galaxy turned around and said ‘OK, we’ll pay you $1,000,000 a game’. Tomatoes-potatoes, right? The deal should see Beckham lose [...]

Millions hoping to get lucky on New Year’s Eve

Millions hoping to get lucky on New Year’s Eve

Millions of people are expected to descend onto the streets tomorrow night in the hope of an expensive night out, drunkeness, casual sex with predatory males and the chance of paying to get into pubs that are either half empty or filled with double the amount of Irish people as is normally allowed. Whilst many [...]

UK BMWs being hoarded by Polish men

UK BMWs being hoarded by Polish men

The number of knackered 15 year old BMWs available on the UK second hand market has hit dangerously low levels. The cars, typically 3 series, normally diesel, are thought to be in the hands of Polish collectors. There are several websites that specialise in the trade of the cars, the most popular being clapped-out-bangers.com. Mariuz, [...]

Prince Philip rushed out of hospital

Prince Philip rushed out of hospital

Prince Philip was rushed out of hospital today after Royal Aides realised there were commoners in the next room. The Prince had spent the last four nights in hospital on a bed made of gold, and had been completely unaware there were normo’s in the same ward. Security from MI5 became alerted to the closeness [...]

Millions pretend to be Christian and celebrate Jesus’ birthday

Millions pretend to be Christian and celebrate Jesus’ birthday

As the end of the year draws closer, it is estimated a global 1.6 billion people will pretend to have some scraps of faith left and celebrate the birthday of Jesus Christ on December 25th. Teachings and traditions from the bible are followed closely and include: Going to Children’s Nativity plays An orgy of spending [...]